


Connected || Niall Horan AU

by prismdreams



Category: One Direction (Band), niall horan - Fandom
Genre: Acting, Alternate Universe - No One Direction, Angst, Awkward Romance, Character Death, Cute Niall Horan, Declarations Of Love, Drama, F/M, Falling In Love, Fluff and Angst, Great Britain, Heartbreak, Ireland, Kissing, London, Love, Love Confessions, Love at First Sight, Mentioned One Direction, Niall Horan in Love, Niall Horan-centric, POV Female Character, POV First Person, POV Niall Horan, Radio, Romance, Sex, Smut, Social Media, UK - Freeform, Valentine's Day, Valentine's Day Fluff, actress, podcasts
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-04
Updated: 2021-03-10
Packaged: 2021-03-15 06:08:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 9
Words: 19,294
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28558845
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/prismdreams/pseuds/prismdreams
Summary: "Caller, you're on the air. How can I heal you tonight?""I didn't phone ya to be healed. I called to say this is rubbish. That YOU are full of shit." An angry Irish accent blundered over the airwaves."Excuse me? You wanna repeat that again?""You can't possibly heal anyone unless you've been in their shoes, love."My mouth gapped and I realized I was too shocked to reply. I've never gotten a caller this rude before.I swallowed slowly, "The healing process starts when we stop being a burden to ourselves. I simply offer a platform for open discussion in matters of the heart. What's your name, caller?""You're not ready for that, love." The line went dead. I tried calling him back and seethed when I caught PRIVATE labeled on the caller ID. Fuck.Full Summary inside. Niall/OC.
Relationships: Niall Horan & Original Female Character(s), Niall Horan/Original Female Character(s)
Kudos: 6





	1. Chapter 1

_**** _

_**Summary:** Annabelle Winters came to South London to pursue acting, a dream of hers for as long as she could remember. Not making much luck, she paid her dues until she made it. Voice acting was the best way, for now. It paid nothing, but at least the city of London felt heard and less alone, excluding the irate Irish fellow who kept calling in._

_Niall Horan vowed to never visit the water again. Too many bad memories to relive. His family tried to be there for him during those awful times 2 years back, but it just wasn't enough. He couldn't turn back time if he wanted to. Burying himself in his work, his Granny Margaret paid him a visit on one of his more lonely nights nearing the anniversary. What he did with her words was completely up to him, never mind the yank know-it-all girl brainwashing his dear Granny.  
_

_NiallxOC AU._

* * *

__

* * *

**Annabelle**

I winced as the coffee cup fell from my tray before I could stop it, the ceramic hitting the hard floor ruining my whole life all over again.

I guess I should expect this stuff to happen, but I wasn't. Everyone I knew was grown up, at that place in their lives where it all made sense, career, marriage, children. The perfect life and here I am, barely earning £5 in tips. Scrapping for it if you can believe it.

"Winters, we need you up 'ere." My manager's loud Northern English accent boomed over the small cafe I worked at.

I moved here last Summer, suppose you could say I'm still faking it until I make it. Made sure to get the cheapest flat here in South London. Could have chosen the North, but knowing my track record, I would ultimately end up here anyway. It was near the acting class I had been saving up to attend.

The theatre was calling to me and who was I to ignore such an opportunity? Who said this kind of life was only for the well-connected? It's just harder this way, not having the allies you need to get your foot in the door. Most of us just end up becoming professional waitresses, chasing a dream that will never be.

Call me crazy, but I'm still here, for a reason, no doubt. Thankfully, my shift was near the end, about 30 minutes left of this hell until I'm free.

I'm anxious because I'm looking extra forward to tonight. My voice is definitely ready for anything. Ironic how I feel more comfortable around strangers who can't see me than I am in real life.

I rushed to my boss, Tommy, he knew what I was going to ask before I opened my mouth to speak.

"Winters, you're off in half 30, what do ya need?"

"Nothing, I was just wondering if I could possibly move my night shifts to the morning?" I asked him, hopeful this time I might get my request.

His hard green eyes stared at me as I bounced in anticipation. He and I were roughly the same age, we weren't friends, but we weren't enemies either. Part of the reason why he hadn't completely fired me had to do with the fact that I looked like his sister, who was a struggling actress too.

"I'll think about it. Stop breaking mugs and get here on time." He paused, looking at me seriously. "I'll change your schedule at the end of the week."

I beamed, I didn't think he was going to give me that, "Tommy, thank you so much! Anything is great. I'll take extra shifts that way."

"No matter, don't fuck this up, stop breaking things."

I saluted to him, "I promise, you're amazing."

"Tell that to me wife the next ya see her. Run along, make the most of your 25 minutes."

I bussed more tables and grabbed some pounds off the top, making sure to get the place spotless so Tommy would let me go a little earlier. I shouldn't be looking at the clock, but I was. Counting the minutes was nothing new working at the _Solstice Café._ Just like the rest of South London, we're one of many mom and pop places that just kind of exists. Tourists often come here when they're lost. When we do get business it usually happened on the weekends when the Uni students came trucking in. I didn't complain, as long as my time ticked by and they didn't forget to leave generous monetary compensation.

Before I knew it, my time had come. As I clocked out, removed my apron and name-tag, and made sure to grab my purse and coat, fixing it around my body. I could already feel the frost from the door opening and closing throughout the day. Thankfully, it wasn't too dark, the extreme cold was just starting.

The Underground express will take me home in record time. I looked forward to it tonight. I was starting to grow my following. I was a novice, sure, but people were responding. I wasn't making any money, but I was getting practice in voice training the more I did it. Especially my take on accents, more specifically, the South London accent, though it is turning a lot more Hackney than I intended. I blame the customers mostly, they were my inspiration.

Here's the thing: for the past few months, I've been running a podcast from my home. My name, or rather the name that I chose to use on-air is Miss Serena. Always liked the name. I don't show my face, thankfully, everything on both sides is anonymous. Callers have been phoning in with their stories of tragedy, love, new or old, potential, sometimes people just want to call in to vent about their day. What threw me was when they asked for my advice. I've tried to give it based on the bigger picture, despite hearing one side.

I made it finally. After I took off my coat and hung up my keys, I went to pour myself a glass of wine, letting the day wind down.

I changed my clothes into something more comfortable. Nobody could see me, it didn't matter what I wore, it only mattered that I was relaxed.

I brought the bottle and glass with me as I began getting set up. Lighting some vanilla cream candles, I closed the curtains and shut the window from the chilly draft. The mood is nearly here.

I booted my electronics up and prepped my mic, doing a quick test just to make sure my listeners could hear me properly without feed.

"Okay, here we go..." I said, doing a silent prayer as I shut my eyes, taking another sip of my wine, placing it down, launching my podcast stream.


	2. Chapter 2

* * *

Every time I did this, I always got nervous but I used it to my advantage.

"Good evening lovers, friends, and true romantics out there. I wanna start off tonight by saying that today marks the end of January. Even during my second month doing this recording, I'm a little conflicted. The best way to sum up how, well, I'm being reminded right now of a quote from Plato: _"Every heart sings a song, incomplete, until another heart whispers back. Those who wish to sing always find the song."_ What does that mean? The philosophical metaphor that love is a song, that our wishes can be granted if we so desire them to be. A closed heart doesn't sing, but an open heart, well, the symphonic waves flow, they're meant to. I'd like to also say just how poignant this can for someone who has never been in love." I sighed, feeling those words internally. "You can't go wrong with taking a chance, it might change your life forever."

I checked my phone lines and smiled as I saw all of them blinked like Christmas lights. I grinned, sipped my wine, and turned back to the mic.

"Let's get right into the calls, shall we? I am Miss Serena, how can I heal you tonight? Caller, you're on the air."

There was a pause until I heard sniffling and what sounded like someone crying.

"It's alright, take your time, caller, we have all night." My put on accent sometimes slipped out back in my American accent when I don't notice it, that's why this is all practice.

"Hello, dear," she said, calming down. She sounded like a pensioner, somewhere in Ireland, I couldn't tell, definitely someone with years in her voice. "First time I am ringing ya. Oh, thank you for all you do."

I smiled slightly, "My pleasure, go on, whenever you're ready, I'm here."

"Bless you, child. You remind me of my Grandson, bless his heart. He's hurting now more than ever. Especially now, round the New Year's time. Me heart breaks for him each night."

"How old is he? If I may ask?"

She paused, "He's grown, oh but very young still at heart. He is 30. You see, he wears his heart on his sleeve, like meself. His only love passed on in February two years ago. I think about him each night, wishing there was more I could do to help him. What should I do? I feel helpless."

I took in all she said and thought about the best possible way of handling the situation as if it were my family.

"I'm very sorry about his loss. Finding love, then losing someone so precious, I can't imagine what he's going through. I would continue being there for him. These are the times where he needs comfort and human connection. He will deny this, and push people away, close himself to the pain physically and emotionally, but he will _need_ someone to be there for him. In death, we can't go through anything alone. Our lives exist to be with each other, that's why we are here, it becomes our purpose. I am sorry if this is not what you want to hear—"

"Dear, thank you for listening to me. You and my Grandson are the same. I could tell you both feel strongly. I will try to do more for him the next I am near him. Thank you, love."

I couldn't help but smile, she had such a warm candor, "May I ask where are you calling from?"

"Central London, love, right next to Hyde Park. It's where I'm retiring."

I wanted to keep talking to this lady but I did the next best thing, essentially what I always tell callers I want to keep in touch with.

"Please call me back whenever you wish. I pray everything works in your favor. Always be patient in matters of the heart."

"Bless you, child. You may call me Margaret. I will be ringing you back. Have a lovely night." Margaret said, I looked at her number briefly before it disappeared.

"Well, she was a lovely caller, one I will definitely keep close to my heart. You know, it's interesting, when I first started this podcast, I wasn't sure what I was going to do, who was going to listen to me. Callers like Margaret remind me why I do it. There are many of you waiting right now, I'll just take a short break and jump back on the air in a few minutes."

Truth was, I needed a break from hearing that story. You could say I've gotten used to hearing them, but I haven't. Each one hit me differently. I'm sure there are those who relate to Margaret's story, but that doesn't make it any less valuable.

I filled my glass to the top, nearly finishing the bottle. In the real world, I was a tea drinker, the wine just loosened me up. I felt confident, assured, my real self the more I relaxed into all this. The me I showed to the real world lacked gumption, small and meek, easily bruised. Dejected and personally distracted by the little things that get me down. I blend in pretty well, actually.

I went back to the monitor and switched on the podcast, taking another sip of wine. Guess you could see it as in vino veritas, hopefully, the truth does come back like it had each time I did this.

"Evening lovers and friends, Miss Serena has returned. Let's go back to the airwaves to take another caller. Hello, you're on the air. How can I heal you tonight?"

"Hi, I've been listening to you for a while now," it was a man, a Northerner, hard to tell the age, the deep voice juxtaposed with youthful cadence through me off. "Me sister told me about ya. She said you have all the answers..."

I blushed, a little amused that is how some thought of me, "There is only one creator in the world." I said, looking at the cross necklace that hung against my wall.

"Not saying you're God, love," he said, a Liverpool accent flooded my memory. "You tend to tell it like it is. You see the world exactly as it should be. Forgive for asking ya, are ya married?"

I blushed harder, rarely do I get random callers who asked me anything personal, I felt naked suddenly, "I am not married. Do you have a question, caller?"

"Yeah...how is a bird like you still single? And will ya let me take ya out to dinner tonight?" He asked me, I can see the smile on his face.

I don't even know this guy's name, biting my lip, I gave the only answer I could, "I'm flattered by you asking, unfortunately, I have to decline."

"Shame," he sighed. "Me name is Luke, by the way. Would have treated ya the way you deserved to be treated."

This guy Luke doesn't know me from Adam. He only saw the "confident" girl I wanted him to see. For all I know, he could be insane or an anger management situation, but still, it felt nice to hear someone wanted a version of me.

"Thank you, have a good night, Luke. I'm sure you'll find exactly what you're looking for. When you do find her, hold onto her, okay?"

"Sure it can't be you, love?" He said, his gruff Scouse accent even more prominent through his chuckling.

"Have a goodnight, Luke. Call me when you find her." I said, disconnecting the call and moving on to the next line before it got embarrassing.

"Caller, you're on the air with Miss Serena. How may I heal you tonight?"

"Okay, here goes...I'm _really_ shy. I've never actually kissed a guy before. I feel this pressure at school to—you know— _hurry_ it up, lose my virginity already. I don't feel comfortable sharing that with anyone. It's no one's business, ya know? I think my friends are giving me shit for being so inexperienced sexually. How do I go about dealing with all this stress? What should I do?"

I nodded even though she couldn't see me, she sounded extremely young, "Caller, how old are you? Where are you calling from?"

"I'm 16, from Luton. It's very posh. I'm sorry, I feel really embarrassed."

"You don't have to feel embarrassed. When I was your age, well, when I was at that point in my life, it was very hard to stay a virgin until marriage. I reckon these days, you're not somebody unless you follow what everyone else is doing. So I understand the pressure young girls feel."

"Yeah, well, I really like this guy, I'm scared. I'm worried he's going to chat about what we did. Should I wait because I really don't wanna be a slag? People will be horrible to me, I know it."

My mouth twitched, peer pressure, even here in the UK it existed, "The man who loves you and shares himself intimately with you will never talk about it. What do you like about him, Caller?"

"He's very fit, good body, excellent footballer, he's the captain actually. Blond, I like blonds, he's funny, everyone loves him. He's chatted to me a couple of times, not enough to go any further. I really like him, I don't know if he likes me. I think I have a lot of competition." She said, laughing.

This was an easy answer, young love, "I believe you know the answer, I think you do. In school, all we tend to notice is the exterior, the visual, how attractive someone is to us, because, well, our hormones tend to control pretty much everything when we're young. Of course, we're attracted to what pleases our eyes. Who isn't? How much do you know about _him_? Or better yet, how much does he _let_ you know?"

She scoffed into a laugh, "Honestly? Nothing, he's—he doesn't talk very much. I watch him a lot. He has a lot of friends but he doesn't keep them too close."

Sounded like a player in the oven already. Why do we all fall for it? "If that were me? I wouldn't give myself to him. No matter what I think I know of him. Because if I don't know him, how can I trust him with my body?" I said, pausing when I realized how sharp my words were. "I apologize, love, if I'm a little coarse. Forgive me, but it sounds like every other young man at school looking to get off. I wouldn't, that's just me. Do you know what mean, Caller?"

"Am Christa, yeah, I do. Thanks, Serena. I will consider it. Reminds of _He's Just Not That Into You,_ quite frankly."

"Great film, wise for us ladies. Men enjoy the chase, but once he's got what he's got from us, we're always the ones left confused in the end, because we knew, deep down, he just wasn't right for us. Does that help, love?" I asked, even I wasn't sure if I was making sense.

"It does, thank you, Serena. You're amazing." Christa said, I shook my head because it didn't make sense to me why people say that.

"Trust your heart, love. It's no one's choice to make but yours. We think we're wasting our time, but really, we actually have more time than we know. Have a good night."

"Night to you!" She said, clicking off as I went back to the airwaves.

I hummed, "Another sweetheart, just like all of us. Suppose it's residual holiday feelings, we're all feeling it. I'm feeling it. But I don't allow it to consume me, because I know there's a higher purpose out there, and anything else that happens, it's just a bonus. Just because our hearts are open, doesn't mean we don't deserve to have happiness. It's all about you. To the ones listening right now: it's a scary world out there, London, you know of it. And you don't need to take my word for it. Ask yourself, what is this really doing for me? What do we get out of this? In life, we don't wait, we shouldn't have to. Because we know our value. Our lives are fragile but our dreams are where the possibilities lie. Don't give up, I leave you tonight with a quote I that stayed with me wherever I go. Irish playwright George Bernard Shaw says: "Some see things and ask why? Others dream things and ask why not?" And with that, have a good night and hold on to the light."

I switched off the airwaves as the callers slowly disappear one by one. I wished I could be here all night, taking calls, giving an ear to those in need, but I find, the more I do this, I reveal a lot of myself than I've ready to. Not that I'm interesting, far from it. I'm the definition of ordinary. When I become Miss Serena it's like I become a more amplified version of what I want to be, _who_ I want to be. It's honest, but, I would never show it in real life. And it can get scary, confessing too much of myself through an accent and a name that isn't mine. It can get draining, no doubt.

But I can't stop doing it because it made me feel totally alive, and I owe it to myself and my listeners to come back each time.


	3. Chapter 3

* * *

**Niall**

I stayed in bed longer than I should. It was easier in the morning when work hadn't preoccupied me mind, distracting me from thinking about things that haunted me.

Nearing Valentine's Day, it wasn't any easier than last year. The accident still scared my memory like it just happened yesterday. I knew better, so did the rest of me family. But I wouldn't admit it to them.

Another dreary, rainy day in Central London, heavier than last week, matching how I felt about life in general. Didn't affect me work. Most of what I do involved a computer, normally no one bothered me. But a small piece of me wanted someone to listen to what I had to say. Call me mad, but I gave a shit, sometimes.

I know I'm letting this drag me down, preventing me from seeing what's out there. I guess nothing, I don't know, I haven't given it a proper thought. The dates I've been on didn't interest me much, because they weren't _her._

I'm alone not lonely, there's a difference, a stark one. The truth is...I just don't care anymore. Moving on isn't the same, can't turn back the clock, would I want to? Now, _that's_ a crazy thought. Because it's not possible, I'll never find it again, I just _know._

Of course, that meant shite to me family, especially to Granny Margaret. She's an old school lass, that one. No holds bar, shooting straight from her hip, always told it like it is. After her husband, me Grandfather, had passed peacefully in his sleep, she found it her life's mission to make sure I didn't end up in despair. I wasn't, was I? I'm just not interested anymore, is that such a crime?

Mam was calling me and I didn't have it in me heart to not answer. She _is_ me Mam.

"Hello, ya alright?"

"Yes, dear, warms me heart to hear ya voice," Maura said as she cleared her throat, which usually meant this was going to be a long call, "Ya alright then?

"Yeh...what's wrong?"

"Oh, nothing, dear. Just making sure you're feeling alright. Wish I could be there to cuddle ya..." she paused and I braced meself. "I miss her too, love."

I sighed, me heart squeezed, closing my eyes I pinched between my eyes, I wasn't ready, I knew I wasn't ready to fully go there, even for me Mam. The one person I loved more than _her._

"Yeah...look, umm, Dad's coming by later tonight. I'm good, call ya when I get back." I said, wanting to change the subject as fast as she brought it up.

"Sorry, I just want ya to know I'll be here for you to chat to. Alright, my love?"

"Call ya later tonight, love ya," I said, as soon as I heard her say goodbye, I clicked off and threw my phone on the couch.

I sent a quick text to me Dad, letting him know I was home and he could come over whenever he wanted. Unlike Mam, Dad didn't press me on the trauma, maybe because he'd been through his own and knew what it felt like. Although, he did make sure I was up for a pint or three. I always found time for drinking rounds. Except the rounds will probably stay here, didn't feel like pubbing now.

He sent me a text back saying he was going to arrive an hour early, I didn't mind. I checked the time and looked around my empty flat, I haven't cleaned it yet, maybe I should until Dad arrived.

I began straightening up the living room and threw my clothes in the wash, figured I should just knock it all out so I wouldn't have to bother with it later.

Groaning, I switched off the news. You could only hear about Brexit so many times before you go mad. Plus, I just didn't want any noise, not even sure why I watch it. Fucking bored, suppose. Better than drinking alone. I'll wait until Dad comes to start on the self-medicating.

I logged onto my laptop and worked on some last-minute project deadlines for tomorrow. I buried meself in work lately, it wasn't anything out of the ordinary. Just a few emails being sent out and proofreading a document I worked on earlier. All incredibly boring, but it got me mind off thinking about _her._

Mobile beeped, Dad's here. I made sure to buzz him in at the door, making my way to grab a beer, popping the top, figured it's time to start the medication about now.

A knock pulled me toward the door. I placed the beer down and walked to fling open the door.

"Dad," I nodded as Bobby Horan nodded and brought me in a strong hug, he knew, he just _knew_.

"Son, ya alright? Missed ya yesterday. Knew you were working, here," he gestured as he shut the door. "How ya been?"

I sat down at the dinner table, grabbing my beer as Dad got himself a bottle, taking a seat across me.

Shrugging, I took another swig of my beer, "Alright, just doing it the way I know how. How's you?"

"Can't complain," he said, taking a drink. "Darla has me on this Keto diet, bleeding awful, I miss me old way of eating. I guess I'm healthier, piss it. Try telling a woman what to do, suppose. Ya can't."

I smiled, Dad's new girlfriend sounded like a handful alright, "Yeah, I remember how that is. Women are...dunno anymore to be fair. Used to know. Maybe it just feels like a bad dream. I just don't know."

My father's face dropped down to look at me, "Son? Ya alright?"

No, I'm not, and there's nothing you or anyone could do about it, "Yeh, just keep busy, the same shite. Mam rang me, I'm fine, really. She's just being Mam. Whatever."

Dad looked at me and patted me shoulder, standing up to toss his bottle in the bin. He popped another drink and sat back down. "When ya ready, ya know I'll be here for ya. Not gonna force ya to see a therapist. Yer Mam may disagree."

I nodded, drinking the rest of my beer quickly. Grabbing another bottle before I changed my mind.

Me brother Greg and I were products of a divorce. I was 5, both me parents had moved on, still, it was a bit mad having two sets of parents, not that I thought Dad's girlfriend or Mam's husband were actual parents, far from it. Guess this was just something I grew up with, a broken family. Maybe that was my fate.

"I think about her every day. I still fucking love her, think about that night. Still fresh in me head. Said some things I shouldn't have. By the time I had gotten to her, it was too late. Think God's punishing me. Am sure of it." Me heart poured out, my eyes watered but I didn't dare allow them to fall.

"'Twas was an accident, none of it was yer fault. You're not being punished." Dad said, placing his beer down. "Everything has a path. Don't blame yourself for things you can't control."

Dad was a bit of a philosopher when he wanted to be. Everything he just said was right, I knew it, deep down, but I know in my heart I was responsible for her death. If we hadn't fought, she hadn't separated herself from me because I wasn't near her, the memories were just too strong.

I can't bear to look at Valentine's Day the same way ever again.

"No worries, doesn't matter what I say, doesn't bring her back to me." I grit my teeth, squeezing the bottle, then releasing it when I felt a crack in the bottle.

"You don't have to keep tormenting yourself, Son," Dad said. "Ready for rounds?"

I smirked, that was music to my ears, "Always."


	4. Chapter 4

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* * *

**Annabelle**

After I cooked myself a nice breakfast, I was interrupted by work. Oh boy, what the shit have I done now?

"Morning Annie, can I ask a favor of ya?" Tommy asked in his kiss-ass voice.

Why am I not liking where this was going? "Yeah?"

"I know you're at yours now, but Delilah called out sick. She's gone to hospital. Is there any way you could take her shift? Oh, and make sure her deliveries are carried out for the Celebration?"

" _Tommy,"_ I almost whined, this was what I actually wanted, but I'm a lazy fuck right now. "Ugh, what time?"

"Half 7 to half 2. You'll be delivering our first orders of the day then come back _on time_ to the store for the rest until you clock out." I almost stepped in but he continued. "Before you say no, I rang everyone else. Didn't ya say you wanted more morning shifts?"

"Yeah, but—"

"Brilliant! See you soon, and make sure you've got your license with you." Tommy concluded, without giving me a chance to respond, and clicked off.

This fucker, well, he wasn't entirely a full ass here, he had a point where time proximity was concerned. I hated when he was right.

Yeah, I wanted more morning shifts, but he didn't have to make it seem like I was the only one he could rely on, just because I was single, not married, and without a family. If I didn't feel it before, I felt it now. But I am alone, _not_ lonely, no matter what anyone says.

Begrudgingly, I scarfed down the perfectly made breakfast that I planned to relish in and decided to get ready before I missed my train.

In no time, I was out the door, somewhat presentable, my hair was... _workable_. I ran a brush through it to get all the tangles out, at least I made sure to clean my body. That's a must before work, you never know who might walk in and give you that posh stink-eye Londoners are known for. Such a shame they don't treat orthodontia the same as hygiene. No big, today was going to be a busy one, I can feel it.

I found a seat in the Underground express, the one that connected Central to South London. Wasn't too crowded, but, give it time, probably in 5 minutes, there won't be a place to breathe.

I heard a male voice boom near me, looked like a transient train hopper, barely a musician busker, began yelling and scoffing at random people. Oh shit, am I next? This was always the worst part of taking the transit.

I kept my head down and took out my AirPods just in case the guy got fresh and maneuvered over here. I made sure to always take the corner seats for this very reason. Call me paranoid, I didn't feel like getting jumped now. I breathed a sigh when more commuters piled in.

I arrived just in time for Tommy to actually smile at me strangely, which meant I was to do more favors for the day if I got what I wanted from him. Scratch his back, he scratched mine. Okay then, I just got to stop being a spaz on the job. I prayed another cup wasn't going to tumble on the ground, splashing latte and coffee everywhere. Maybe today was different, fuck, I _always_ say that.

Kill me for trying to be perfect, maybe if Tommy kept me hired _this_ long, it must mean something.

He ran his hand through his floppy dishwasher blond hair handing me the receipts, addresses, and boxed up orders to be delivered. _Solstice_ is doing a Valentine's Day cookie celebration. We're doing other desserts as well, but the cookies will be our main product. Tommy stressed how much he wanted us to sell these out pronto. Thank goodness we still had our van, I wouldn't be able to try and deliver anything through the tubes.

I gathered everything I needed after clocking in and verified the directions with mapquest, knowing my goofiness, I'll get lost in the middle of the highway. The beginning trademark overcast didn't help me any.

Traffic was considerable if you could call it that. The pastry aroma inside the van was really overwhelming my senses but it could be worse.

My first delivery went smoothly considering it was raining and made it hard to take any wide turns up the residential areas. Central London and their weird, winding streets. The only negative was I didn't get tipped, not that I was going to bet on it or anything.

The next delivery was to a Margaret Horan, and she was just a street over, adjacent to Hyde Park. I was curious if she happened to be the caller from last night. The chances of that being true are slim, not that I wouldn't mind, I really liked her, it's just, practically every pensioner knew someone named Margaret or an Elizabeth.

The order wasn't large, thankfully, but that was an indicator I may not receive a tip, whatever. I raised my hand to knock on the door, looking around the home. Fairly posh, but many homes looked like this one. I really liked the red door, it was cute, made the place stand out. The door jiggled open and I found myself looking down at the figure in front of me.

She couldn't be any taller than 5'0", full head of curly grey hair, a kind, round face, huge emerald green eyes, extending her hand to me as I just stood there. I've never seen anyone this tiny before and with such a bright smile.

"Good morning, Margaret Horan?" I began, she nodded.

"Hello there, oh, you have me cookies? Is that what I think it is?" She said, pointing to the box I nearly dropped but held out to her.

She sounded just like the Margaret I spoke to last night, the same cadence, was that just a coincidence?

I smiled shyly, feeling my cheeks heat up, even in the rain, "Yes, here you go, just need your signature right here," I held out her printed out receipt and a pen, which she took.

She leaned in to sign and I gave her the box. "There you are, thank you, dear child." Oh boy, that's still not proof it's Margaret from my podcast, but this is getting weird now. "Have you tried these yet?"

I nodded, lying, as we all did when our customers asked us this question. "They're delicious."

She beamed another smile, her big eyes expanding through her glasses. "Lovely, would you like to join me for some tea?"

I wish I could sit, this is too cute for words, blushing, I looked down, "Oh, thank you, you're sweet. I actually have to get back to work."

"Oh, well, that's alright, before I forget, give me a moment, dear." She said, turning around to disappear inside her home.

Margaret came back, holding something in her hand, looked like money, I couldn't tell. Wait, _what?_

She handed me a tenner note, I stared at it before touching it. "Here you are, shame you can't stay for tea, love."

I shook as I heard a pounding, then crash on the wood floor.

"Ahhhh, Granny! There you are!" A higher-pitched Irish accent came toward the door and threw his tiny body around Margaret's leg.

Margaret didn't look phased by any of it, she knelt down and took the little boy in her arms, gosh, he was a cute one. Bright blue eyes, he looked like a doll, energy for days. Typical toddler. I honestly felt like I was intruding on a private family moment.

The door flung all the way open as a man, much taller, about 5 inches over my 5'6" frame, same bright eyes as the little boy, as they stared into mine. He intimidated me a little.

"Oh...Hello, how are ya? Am Greg." He placed his hand in front of me, I took it in mine, shaking it.

"I'm Annabelle, umm," I said, pulling away with flushed cheeks. "I was just delivering some cookies. I don't wanna intrude into anything, sorry. Here's your receipt." I said, handing the receipt to Greg. "Have a great day, thanks for ordering with us."

I turned around but heard Greg calling out to me. I whipped around and almost crashed into him as he came next to me.

"Do ya do pickups too?"

"I think so, yeah. Just need to clarify who you're picking up for. Is everything alright?"

Greg nodded and waved me off, "Yeah, Theo's probably gonna devour those before we get to them. I'll send me brother to fetch the orders from now on. Thanks, loads."

I bugged my eyes, his big smile made me blush, "Sure, have a great day."

He grinned and handed me a 5£ note, "See ya around, love."

Wow, this family is uber generous, not wanting to argue, I accepted it. He practically pushed it in my hand. I smiled and waved, finally turning around to make it back to back to the van. I truly didn't care if the rain was coming down even harder than before, making the roads more difficult to drive. There still were nice people left in the world, who knew?

* * *

**Niall**

I pissed around with me mates, not bothering to look at the time. Of course, they were all trying to score some girls, I just came along for my pint, they bought me rounds. I'm not going to pay tonight, not even sure I took me wallet.

A slender blonde bird kept staring at me, I could tell she wanted to come over and start something. Even in my drunken state, I could see a lot of wrong in that, or just I just didn't feel like it. Or wait, maybe it won't be so bad, I won't remember it anyway.

Me mates want me to loosen up and I am, this is the best I got. I sent a wink her way and she took that as a green light. Guess it was too late, me cock was alive and ready.

Maybe a few more of these nights would do me some good. Sulking wasn't what I intended to do come Valentine's Day, but what the fuck was I supposed to do? Least when I'm with the mates, it seemed less mad. I hadn't slept with many people the last year, by choice, not that I really needed to. It's like a real banger chocolate bar, once you had it you can't get enough, eventually you'll get addicted. I didn't allow it to become a pattern, but, _fuck_ the right thing. Time to do some wrong.

Being an asshole felt so much easier than keeping me integrity, whatever's left of it.


	5. Chapter 5

****

* * *

**Annabelle**

After a pretty easy going day, I didn't break a whole lot of things, eh, aside from messing up a few orders in the morning, that's because certain assholes have "particular" orders. But it's not really my fault, eh, _shared_ , if anything, especially when people come in with an already shitty mood. And then came the lunch rush and those Uni kids were about to take my head off, they all decided to come together. All is said and done, I sprinted back home, just in time for my podcast.

I got set up and popped the cork, letting my hair out of my clip, game on. I took a sip of my wine, breathing a contented feeling, I was home.

Flipping the show on the air, I narrowed my eyes as I rubbed the back of my neck.

"Friends, lovers, and true romantics...Miss Serena is here, could you believe that I still believe in the good of humanity? I guess that's the cynic in me talking, of course, I'm sure we've all had that epiphany at one point in our lives. Not that my situation is unique, it's not, still, it touches me when I'm still surprised at small gestures that add up to bigger ones. Well, this is one of my more confusing podcasts to date. An extra stream of consciousness tonight, apologies London. It gets better from here," I took another sip of wine. "Let's get some callers in. You're on the air, how can I heal you tonight?"

"You can heal this problem in me pants—" I cut him off pretty quickly, just when I was putting my faith in humanity, _perfect_ timing to make me question it.

"Ok then, next caller, you're on the air. How can I heal you tonight?"

"Yeah, I just wanna say that if you _had_ all the answers, you wouldn't talk so much in circles as you do. Not trying to be mean, but my friends listen to you and I don't get it. Maybe try something you're actually good at, yeah?" Another line cut off, I tried to keep my composure, sounded like an Essex sob anyway. We got enough of those in the states, thank you.

"Next caller, you're on the air. How can I heal you tonight?" I asked, bracing myself for whatever I was going to get.

"Sorry you're getting hate tonight, but, the last one had a point. I was just wondering if you could—" No you weren't, I rubbed my eyes, my makeup was long gone and so was the last of my patience.

Tonight clearly wasn't my night, maybe I should take a break and regroup. I looked at the live feed comments and they weren't any better.

 _Guys, leave her alone! I've been waiting to talk to her for a while now!_ 😔

 _Why do a few fuckwads have to ruin it everyone? Now she's never gonna come back_ 😡

 _What the fuck is this rubbish? She can't take the heat, maybe she shouldn't be doing whatever it is that she's doing_ 🤨

 _I knew she was fake the moment she opened her mouth, bail all_ 😂

 _Finally! We've silenced the slag! Let's see her try to come back after all this! We aren't done, honey_ 😘😎

 _Come on! This is a BIG waste of time. She's left now how will I know how to live my life? What a fucking joke Serena is_ 🤡

That's what _you_ think you trash. I'm not going to let them get to me. There are at least a hundred comments just like these designed to drive me off. I turned off callers for now. February 1, about 13 days until the 14th and it already felt like Valentine's Day was going to be the worst one.

They weren't right, were they? Was I wasting my time? Did anyone care that I'm still doing this? What _exactly_ am I doing? Speaking through a fake accent, going by a fake name, speaking in-depth about love as if I actually experience in that department. I winced, they had a point, of course, they weren't attacking me because of those things. They were attacking my purpose, which hurt even more. Grabbing my forehead, I closed my eyes, trying to think of how to solve this.

I unpaused my microphone, watching the counter tick by as I stared at the flames on the candles. My mind was ablaze, and suddenly my filter was completely off, but my accent stayed in tack.

"I wanna say something, then I'm going to conclude this podcast for the night. I'm don't presume to think everyone loves me on here. I _know_ they don't. I know you think you've won, but I don't. I think whatever's going on in your life to think you could demean, attack, verbally abuse someone you don't know and probably will never know in reality, you need to take a hard look in the mirror and ask yourselves why? You know, I wasn't popular growing up, and quite frankly, I don't care if I'll ever be popular. Because that's _not_ what matters. So, your tactics, shove 'em. I do this show for me because that's where it started. I'm not signing off because you think you got to me. I rent space in your head, not the other way around. I forgive you, can't say the day you'll forgive yourself. Enjoy self-purgatory, it's a fate worse than death. Goodnight everyone." My voice held a tinge of bitterness, but I was direct, a little less soft than I normally was in my outro.

I hesitated before turning everything off and leaned back in my chair. I was doing the right thing, I knew. Coming back might prove I'm brave, but I'm not the one who's got something to prove. I meant what I said and I wasn't coming back, not for tonight. My emotions were a little high strung. I haven't really had hate in the past and to see first hand, well, you could say I folded my cards tonight.

I had a good day and I'm proud of my introduction, no way was I going to stick around for any trolls tonight.

My eyes checked a note I had written with a number on it. Margaret's number. Was she the same Margaret I met today at my delivery? Maybe, I don't know. She seemed so warm, so caring. The kind of person you'd trust when no one else was around to listen. I don't know why I took down her number, did I plan on calling her personally? I think so, grabbing the note I stared at it in my hands.

I plugged the number in my contacts and hovered my thumb over the call button. No, I can't burden anyone. Even if she was the Margaret I met this morning, who invited me in for tea, I can't bother her. I've got my own problems. That's the issue with being a self-imposed helper, who's going to be there for you?

I sighed, checking my bank account balance, just enough for rent and utilities. I had a long way to go to afford the acting classes I wanted since I came here. Guess I'd have to wait a bit longer until my dreams happened the organic way.

* * *

**Niall**

It was early and all I felt like doing was sleeping to nurse me hangover. Okay, I didn't go through with the girl, doesn't make me a poofter. I just really couldn't care less about the awkwardness that was the morning after. I got very close though, don't get me wrong. Blondie was fit as fuck, just...didn't feel like it.

As I woke up, next to me I heard a groan that turned into a soft moan. Oh fuck, so I _did_ go through with it after all. Her tanned hand came to me chest and I swatted it away. She woke up just as I was pulling me pants and trousers up. First, she had to be handled, then, I don't know, work I guess came next.

After some pouting, I managed to get her thrown out, not without a scowl. Yeah, I was being a git, but I had reason to. This wasn't a relationship, I just shagged her, barely remembered most of it. But it was extremely forgettable, like every other night just like this.

She was out and I was free, I guess. Not really if you want to know the truth. I knew living like this was wrong, but I'm starting to think that's all there is left. No such thing as a soulmate, just a mate, occasionally food, decent family moments of my choosing, being a seldom uncle to me nephew Theo, not much to it. Did I miss my old life? Being devoted to someone until they were taken from me?

I don't think it mattered much anymore. She was gone, and I was still here.

Me mobile rang before I had a chance to make some breakfast. Greg, dammit, what did _he_ want now?

"Hello?"

"Little brother! How are ya?" Oh fuck, I _know_ where this was going.

"Good, about to make some breakfast, what's up?"

"Can ya stop by on Amulet Street to pick something up at this cafe called _Solstice_? Granny Mag loves their treats. We ordered yesterday. Think you could do that?"

South London, really didn't want to drop by anywhere near there now. I groaned, "She told ya to do this, didn't she? Why can't _you_ do it?"

"Cos I got Theo here, man. Come on, just _one_ time. Stop being so lazy over there. Yanno she's gonna show up yours asking how ya are. Just do it _this_ time."

He had a point. Margaret Horan had a thing for checking in often and not letting up. Yeah, that's just what she did, but it's worse than when Mam would. Granny Mag was known for getting to the bottom of everything, even if it meant chatting deeply of the most uncomfortable things. Maybe if I did the favor, she'd hold back, for a while.

"Alright," I clicked off and postponed my breakfast, for now, instead I just drank my coffee, wanting to get out and get this over with.

I got in me car, turned the ignition, and revved up the engine. Feeling the morning frost, I flipped on the warmer. I could still drive at least, the rain finally calmed down.

I was there in a few minutes, parking in their compact lot in the rear. This wasn't one of those places where the entrance was the back door, was it? Whatever, I went around and eventually found the front entrance. Practically no one was inside, what kind of place is this?

I opened the door and realized I was pretty much alone. A gawky looking bloke with floppy blond Hugh Grant hair stood going over receipts. I assumed he was the manager. He looked up from his work and rolled his eyes, shouting the name "Annie" towards the back room. Well, hiya to you too, mate. So friendly here.

I checked his name tag, Thomas, whatever, didn't come here to make friends. He moved over as a young girl came out, 20s or 30s I reckon, long brunette hair tied up in a clip, her big brown eyes expanded as she stared down at what dropped, making a face when the plastic cups fell from the bag. I almost laughed at it but found it silly. She picked up what she dropped and threw them in the bin beside her, I was still standing there yet she didn't notice. I cleared me throat just in case.

"Hello, morning," I greeted with a smile, figuring I should be nice after what she did, her manager was near and barely saw. Is anyone alive in this place?

She threw everything away and looked at me, brown eyes locking on me strongly, then pausing as she shook her head, "I'm sorry, can I help you?"

She was American, hard to say where, but it was rare in South London, kind of refreshing, actually. "Yeah, am here to pick up an order for me Granny, Margaret Horan?"

She tilted her head, butterfly lips curved inquisitively, "Oh? Yeah, gimmie a moment, just gotta find it," she said in a rush, looking around to what was a shelf that held packed orders. "Horan? Okay then."

She went over to the smaller bag, picking it up, looking at the receipt, "Gotcha, here you go."

She handed me the bag with a slight smile, it was blinding, had to look away from the brightness. Her brown, honey eyes caught mine as she rang me up. Transaction completed, she handed me my receipt and almost yanked my hand down forcefully.

"Oof," she said, her face was near mine, got a close-up look at those butterfly lips, not a bad way to nearly losing me arm. "I'm so sorry."

I helped her up, rather, we sort of helped each other up, I was full-on laughing at the scene. She missed one of the plastic cups and slipped on it as she gave me the receipt. She looked mortified but I found it hilarious.

"No worries, ya alright?"

She stared at me with those doe eyes, visibly swallowing nerves, "Yeah, I'm really sorry. I'm sure you just wanted your receipt."

"Could live without me arm." I teased, not knowing where it came from.

She rolled her eyes, blushing, "Right, yeah, well, have a good day, considering. Hope I didn't injure you too badly."

I smiled, she was rambling, better that than some birds who were the aggressive type, I was amused. "Still alive, and tanks."

I looked at her name tag, _Annabelle_ , lovely, I'll try to remember her next time round. "Bye," I said, taking the order and waving me hand to her as I turned around to leave.

I couldn't help but smile as her manager reprimanded her. "Annie, ya gotta unfreeze your body to work, yanno?"


	6. Chapter 6

****

* * *

**Annabelle**

After what felt like _the_ monster of all hangovers, I actually made it to work on time, no idea how. I shouldn't have abandoned the podcast, but I felt like I needed to make a strong point before these fucks think they've taken me down. That's life, and it was the first time I had gotten any bout of vitriol.

I hadn't eaten anything and Tommy let me snack on something in the backroom before I clocked in. I don't eat our food but I found myself actually enjoying the butter croissant I warmed up. The coffee here tasted pretty good, maybe it was today and I had an empty stomach but I was feeling better already. Promised myself I wouldn't take any pain reliever, just in case there were any deliveries to be made, _but_ I took one capsule to be on the safe side.

About ten minutes passed and I decided it was time to start. Tommy entrusted me with the inventory, making sure our shipment had come in for the day as well as orders for the rest of the week, boring stuff, but it gave me something to do. We were pretty empty now, normally this was the time people just picked up their orders, we've been doing a good job there, Tommy was happy.

I nearly dropped the clipboard when Tommy called out to me, oh boy, what have I done now? I grabbed up a new stack of plastic cups, ready to stock up, it was probably something like that, careless shit. Ugh, _not_ again, I must have been holding the top part and neglecting the bottom as all of them toppled from the plastic bag, thank hell, nobody saw, even Tommy, who pretended not to notice, but I knew him too well.

Making a face, I heard laughing as I picked up what I dropped and threw them in the trash can beside me. I heard a cleared throat and realized I wasn't alone.

"Hello, morning," I heard an Irish voice greeting me with a smile.

I looked at him, pausing as I shook my head, damn, just _damn_ , "I'm sorry, can I help you?"

He smirked at me, did I have something on my face or something? "Yeah, here to pick up an order for me Granny, Margaret Horan?"

I tilted my head, curving my lips inquisitively, "Oh? Yeah, gimmie a moment, just gotta find it," I paced around and pointed to the shelf that held packed orders. This guy probably wanted to leave fast, why was I so nervous? "Horan? Okay then."

I walked over to the smaller shelf and picked up a bag matching the name, making sure to inspect the receipt, don't want to be blamed again like last time. "Gotcha, here you go."

I handed him the bag with a slight smile, but he looked away, yeah, he _definitely_ had somewhere he needed to be. I shared a look with him as I rang him up, finding it hard to look away from his eyes. Did he know he had eyes that color? I shook my head, finishing the order, and handed him the receipt, stepping forward, pulling his hand down forcefully.

"Oof," I said, fuck me, now this guy was gonna report me for assault. My face was near his, almost didn't care, I got a close-up view of those eyes. Yes, they were real. I winced, bringing myself back to reality, "I'm so sorry."

He grinned and helped me up, full-on laughing at the scene. I then realized I was so distracted in looking at him that I missed one of the plastic cups and slipped on it just now. I was mortified but he kept on laughing. How was any of this funny?

"No worries, ya alright?" His smile seemed even brighter, wow.

I stared at him with meek eyes, my nerves made me visibly swallow, "Yeah, I'm really sorry. I'm sure you just wanted your receipt."

"Could live without me arm." He teased, was he flirting with me?

Yeah sure, I rolled her eyes, blushing, attractive guys like him just don't do those things with me, "Right, yeah, well, have a good day. Hope I didn't injure you too badly."

He smiled, Jesus, I was embarrassing myself, please leave before I make it worse, "Still alive, and tanks."

I nodded as he took up his bag, sharing a small look with me.

"Bye," he said, taking the order and waving to me as he turned around to leave.

I never even got his name, just the Irish guy. I didn't like that, then again, what are the chances he'll come back after having been assaulted by a stranger? For sure Tommy was going to give me shit about _all_ this. I pretended like nothing just happened but Tommy's gruff laugh made me shake my head.

"Annie, ya gotta unfreeze your body to work, yanno?" He elbowed him, I glared at him.

Yeah, thanks a lot, he said that as the Irish guy was leaving too. Hope he didn't hear any of it, as if this morning can get any more cringe than it already was.

I held up my hand, "I _don't_ wanna hear it."

"Half don't give a shite." He nodded to the back room, "Mark up the cups and finish the inventory. Ya got some deliveries last minute, we need the revenue."

Great, a real distraction, let's hope I don't make a fool of myself if I want any tips. Shame none of the names on today's list were Horan. I liked that family, not just because of the tips, there something warm about them, even the Irish guy who came to pick up their order.

" _Annie,"_ Tommy spoke directly into my ear as he consolidated the paperwork from the opposite side, walking back to the office.

Rolling my eyes, I finally moved from the register, eyeing Tommy as I went back to my duties. I had a smile on my face, getting an idea for tonight's podcast.

* * *

**Niall**

On the way to me Granny's, I thought about that girl, Annabelle, from the café. She was a complete mess, the polar opposite of me, being very meticulous in everything I did. It was interesting, being taken by surprise. Her butterfly lips, wide eyes, apple cheeks really stuck out. I shook me head, pulling into Granny's parking garage, enough of that mirage.

Margaret came out with open arms and I got out, closed the door, and jogged over with the sweets. She pulled me in her arms, holding on longer than I had. You got the feeling she thought I was going to piss off if she released me.

"Come in, have some tea, love," she urged, and ushered me inside as I walked in and up the bottom steps, closing the door behind.

It always smelled like herbs here, could be the tea but sometimes I think Gran is slowly turning into a witch. She might have already bought a cauldron, she called it a stew pot, not much difference.

I chucked off me coat and got settled in, as she brewed the tea and finished breakfast. I hadn't eaten so this was right up me alley. She had the works, literally, all me favorites steaming hot flapjacks, molasses, scrambled eggs, ham steak, sausage links, hashbrown potatoes, I almost couldn't look at it, almost like she planned this to get me to stay. Fair play, Granny Mag.

Couldn't help it, she knew me weakness, I took a seat as she served me heaps of my favorite things, busying herself with placing the sweets I brought her on the plate. Did she think I was actually going to eat those?

"Here ya go, love," she said, simply, placing the plate of heart cookies on the table. "Try one before Theo gobbles them all up."

I scoffed, "What's so special about them?'

"I tried one, they're grand. Help yourself. Wait...pretty sure I ordered two—"

There was a knock on the door. I made eyes with Gran and she nodded for me to get up to answer it. I stood up, making my way to the door, and opened it.

 _Annabelle_ , what?

"Hi, umm, Annabelle, yeh?" God, I sounded thick.

She was carrying a tiny bag with something inside, I couldn't make it out but it looked like a sweets box.

"Right, yeah, it's totally my fault. I didn't check the order to make sure your Grandma had two boxes. Here's the second one, oh, and I put in a cupcake. It's my error, really sorry again." She bit her lip and that's all I could stare at. Shaking me head, I realized she was handing me the bag with the heart cookies and cupcake, I accepted it.

I took the bag, smiling. Didn't expect to see her again, felt a little relieved, not sure why. "Tanks, it's alright, I was just about to go back to pick 'em up."

She shrugged, smiling, "No need, I was on my way here anyway. Going on deliveries at the moment."

"I see," I replied, waiting for her to continue.

Her brows narrowed, "I never actually got your name?"

"It's—" I started to say when Gran came to the door.

"Oh, hello there," she looked at me hand, carrying the box, gesturing. "Those would be mine, yes?"

Annabelle nodded, "Right, it was my fault, I forgot to include them. I'm really sorry, we'll still give you a refund if you like because of the inconvenience."

I waved her off, "Don't worry about it. Least you didn't pull me arm, _again_."

Her butterfly lips pursed as she looked down, her big cheeks turning red. "It's still up to you."

"Oh, love, it's no matter. You came back. In fact, hold on a moment." Gran said, disappearing to fetch something, her wallet.

She handed Annabelle a fresh tenner, she just looked at it, backing away like it was infected, "Oh no, it's alright. I don't n—it's unnecessary, really. Thank you."

Granny looked at me then at Annabelle, oh Christ, "Nonsense, you _did_ come back. It's only right. You drove here, I insist, _we_ insist."

Annabelle widened her eyes, she stared at me in shock. Don't look at me, babe, "Oh gosh, it's really not right of me."

"But it is, dear, take it, you made it right by coming here." She said, almost pushing the bill into Annabelle's direction.

"I'd take it if I were you," I murmured under my breath and Gran looked at me crossly.

Annabelle's smile came back, had to look away again, "Very well," she whispered, her voice was light and soft.

Her shoulders shrunk, probably the cutest thing I've seen in a while. She looked younger when she did that. Hesitantly, she took the note and smiled at Gran, she looked at me briefly, finding her attention calling behind her. It was drizzling and she clearly didn't have a raincoat on.

"Thank you, sorry again. Have a great day," she said, backing away until she was in her delivery van. I watched her drive away when Mag touched me shoulder.

"May need to invite her one day for tea," she said in my ear, turning around. "She is lovely."

I sighed, staring down before I realized I needed to go back inside to start my day, frowning, something stirring within. I stared in the direction she left in, the corners of my mouth lifting.

"Yeah, she is..." I said, biting my lip as I shut the door, my smile widening.


	7. Chapter 7

****

* * *

**Annabelle**

Damn it! I banged the wheel in frustration. I _knew_ there was something else I forgot, his name, the Irish guy. All I got was Horan, doesn't matter. That's _if_ I see him again. After today, highly doubt it.

A weird feeling hit me in the pit of my stomach when I thought of him. Butterflies? Is that what it is? I made a complete ass of myself in front of him, he probably couldn't _wait_ for me to leave. It would explain him urging me to accept Margaret's money, it's expected.

Shrugging, I exited the turnpike and rounded the corner of Amulet Street, back in South London. I got out and ran to the back entrance, immediately helping out with the rush. Only three registers and we had a long line of Uni students trailing outside. Joy to the fucking world.

Kill me, fucking kill me now, fast not slow. Teenagers are the _worst_ , especially when they purposely try to make it impossible to get their orders correct. They can't multitask to save their lives. You can't Tik Tok yourself and compute your outlandish drink orders at once. It's _not_ humanly possible. And my favorite, they change their minds because their friends make all their decisions for them, barely, everyone's got their nose buried in their phones like they're so important.

Christ, 2 hours, okay, that was a new record until our breather. It's not like it was going to stretch until 7 pm, closing time. They're normally gone before then, you could hear them.

Going to break in 15 minutes, Tommy expected me to come back on time if I was to receive my morning shifts. Trying to keep that in mind, I cleared off the mess, not expecting much under the plates. I'm used to it. It's going to take several months of paychecks to afford the classes. Financial Aid was only for students, I couldn't work and do both. Tommy would just shift my hours to someone else and that isn't viable.

I hate being poor and desperate, and I wasn't going back home to admit defeat.

The clock read my shift was nearly over, couldn't wait, my podcast definitely had something to do with it. I had an idea for what I was going to say. I never plan what I say, I just sprout what's on my mind at that moment. Maybe tonight I really had something to say.

As I clocked out, I held that thought in mind. The train ride wasn't too long, I made it back in no less than 15 minutes. When I took out my key to open the door, something had fallen out of my pocket. I bent over to look and saw that it was a credit card, one of those express ones with the name **NIALL J HORAN** on its ID. Oh shit, what the fuck is going on? My eyes nearly crossed around its socket.

This is _not_ me. I don't _rob_ people and I don't remember picking this up off the ground to take to Tommy. I must have placed it in my pocket and meant to give it to Tommy when that rush came in. Oh, wait! I remember now, that's what happened. I had no idea what was going on when all those students caravaned in. Oh well, I'm already home, what do I do now?

I _shouldn't_ keep it, that's wrong on all levels. Wait, Niall _Horan_? The Irish guy's last name was Horan, he was related to Margaret, he never gave me his name, was it, _Niall?_

My head really hurt right now. I turned the key and walked inside, closing the door as I went to get some pain reliever.

I drank a chilled bottle and placed the cold part on my forehead. It's past 7:30 pm now, there's no way to return it, even if I knew his address, I was going over there like some kind of deranged stalker. I'll just take my chances in the morning. South London at night was unpredictable. Hell no, alright, I'm staying here. Maybe he'll come tomorrow and pick it up, he had to have noticed it was gone. Maybe I'll have a second chance to redeem myself in front of him, stare into his eyes once more...

Who am I kidding? He laughed at me today, he couldn't wait to leave. I'm still staying home, maybe I'm a little intimidated to see him again. I'll give the card to Tommy and have him deal with this guy. Maybe he's an asshole and I'm just obsessing over nothing. Good-looking and asshole are a righteous combination. Who knew really?

Hesitating, I lit my favorite candles and pulled out my decadent Pino Grigio, the sweetest one I had, pouring myself a glass. A weird feeling came over me tonight. Strange almost exotic. I felt liberated like I was ready to take on whatever was coming to me. I felt an armor around my heart. Fear was a distant friend, as it should be.

Staring at the mic, I walked to my desk and flicked on all the power. I took a breath before fixing in my earphones and loaded my live stream.

"Good evening, friends, lovers, and true romantics. I have a confession to make...I've never been in love before. Maybe, what I really mean is, I've never been loved back before. The potential for love is very much alive for me. The truth is, I'm scared. Perhaps it's like Margaret said, I wear my heart on my sleeve. Because I do, and that is very dangerous. It's gotten me vulnerable and hurt in the long run. I've never had a real relationship before. I'm not even qualified to give advice. Yesterday, I admit, I was hurt and how I ended, well, you all heard me. I came back because in-spite of me not being the answer for you. If anything, I will just listen tonight, more than have. Okay then, let's take some callers."

I checked out the phone lines and saw a couple of lights blinking. "Caller, you're on the air. How can I heal you tonight?"

"Hello? Serena?" It was an older woman, sounded like in her 40s, but her voice felt younger. "I'm glad I got through. I feel bad that you were getting attacked yesterday. I apologize for their behavior. That's just how some of us are, a bunch of naughty gits."

I smiled warmly, "Appreciate it, love. Do you have a question?"

"Me husband has been avoiding me for several days now. I don't know what to do. When I try to talk to him, he goes to the pub. I don't worry about him having a drink, I worry that it's more serious than I'm thinking. I don't really have a question, I just wanted to vent to ya. Is that alright?"

I smiled, warmly, "Of course it is. The best way to get someone to chat to ya again, let them know in some way you're there when they are ready to talk. Do something nice for him. Make his favorite meal. Press his shirts, clean the house a bit. He might notice and say something. Might be the perfect time to chat seriously."

"Thank you, love. Am glad you came back. Have a goodnight."

I ended the call and paused for a moment, taking a long drink of my wine. Niall floated in my mind again. The word "avoid" was hitting me too personally. Maybe I'm looking into all this completely off-centered, but, I wonder if I really scared him off? I wonder if he even thought of me today? I just wonder...

"Well...night two of honesty hour. I'm going to make this one short. Today, I met someone, it wasn't any longer than 10 minutes, but I'm still thinking of it. I might be going to sleep with it later on. It could possibly mean nothing, which is more than likely what it is, or, it could mean everything and I didn't imagine it. It's not the first time I've made a fool of myself, certainly not the last. If I see him again, well, I don't know what will happen." I picked up Niall's card, staring at it with a smile. "I have a feeling I will see him again, and that scares me."

I took a few more calls before I decided to bow out for the night. Talking in a fake accent can be exhausting sometimes. Good thing no one had figured me out yet.

Pausing, I drank the rest of my glass, "Friends, lovers, and true romantics out there, don't stop believing. It'll _always_ happen to you. With that, have a good night and hold onto that light."

With that I clicked offline and blew out the candles, watching the smoke rise from the wick.

I cleaned up and got ready for bed, still holding Niall's card between my fingers. This is crazy, I sound like an insane person living in a fantasy. Okay, he'll come back, but _just_ for his card, can't expect him to actually stick around, it's not as if he had any other reason to. Call me weird, but I'd like to know that reason right now.

Placing his card on my nightstand, I got into the covers, staring up at the ceiling, the endless amount of possibilities swirled around my mind. Niall made me damn curious and if he knew how much I thought of him all day, he'd have me committed. I had barely spoken a full conversation with him and here I am, already seeing him as part of my future in some way. Too bad it won't be in the way I could only dream of.

* * *

**Niall**

I finished my assignments peeking at the clock when I realized it was half-past midnight. Cruising around sounded like a good idea, of course, nursing a hangover 2 days in a row didn't sound appealing, rather I stay drunk the entire time. Beats the shite out of me mind fuck.

Me phone rang, it was me Granny Margaret. She never called this late unless it was urgent.

"Hello, Granny, ya alright?"

"Poppet, yes, are you?"

"Yeah, am fine. Don't need to worry about me." I said, knowing I did a weak job at convincing her.

Granny sighed, "My dear Grandson, I'm worried of ya. It's been nearly 2 years, and I know you're hurting inside. I need ya to know it's _alright_."

Of course, it was what I thought of. "Honestly, yeah, it hasn't been an easy time, but I'm working on it. Lately, I haven't been thinking of it, but, that may change closer to the 14th, I don't know. It's really late, you should get to bed."

"Hush now, sleep can wait. You know, I'm racking me brain trying to find the answers for ya. I know you're saying you're grand, but you're not. I'm always here when ya need me, love. Always, no matter the time."

"Thanks, Granny, goodnight."

"I placed another order of those delicious cookies. Can you pick them up for me tomorrow morning, love?"

I smiled, blushing, "Of course. Night Mag."

"Goodnight, my love."

I clicked off and plugged in my phone to charge it for the night.

I'm actually looking forward to going to pick up her orders. Maybe Annabelle will be there to ring me up. I grinned thinking of what our next meeting will be like. Not gonna lie, she's been floating through me mind throughout the day, possibly into the night. Those butterfly lips made me damn curious, or maybe it was _just_ her.


	8. Chapter 8

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* * *

**Annabelle**

I bit my lip writing down the correct numbers for today's and tomorrow's inventory. I checked the date and realized I marked it for Friday, an honest mistake. Tommy always wanted his crew to predict sales by the end of the week. In all fairness, I was only doing right by his teachings.

It thundered louder than the weather predicted. I doubt Niall's going to show up, or anybody for that matter. I definitely saw lightning flash into our tiny café. It was still early though, anything can happen. Maybe I'll see his brother Greg instead. That'll probably be my luck. I was the last thing on Niall's mind.

I checked the time and scratched the back of my head. This clip is way too tight. I took it down and ran my fingers through my hair. It's too early to work, I needed some caffeine, badly.

I stood up and got myself a mostly black coffee, nearly spilling it as I brought it back to the back room. As I sat down, all the power went out.

"Fuck! Not _again_." I cursed, looking for a flashlight near the safe. I touched it and switched it on.

Standing up, I walked to the front of the store, thundershowers and sporadic lightning jostled me as I looked around. Of course, Tommy wouldn't be here at this very moment. The power suddenly came back on then zonked out again. What the actual shit is going on?

I heard the back door open and Tommy's booming voice coming out. He probably needed help with the shipping. I jogged to the back for a second until he put his hand up, halting me.

"Stay at the front, I know the situation, and maintenance knows of the power outage. I'll meet ya up there in a few."

I frowned but obeyed. Sometimes I felt bad for him, he was practically alone after his uncle left him with the responsibility of managing the entire café by himself. He changed the subject whenever I brought it up. I could tell it was a sore one for him.

The thunder seized just a bit, but, it was still blacked out. I took the flashlight and shined it to the breaker power box. I reset it and it didn't do much. Something in the circuit breaker must be fried or damaged. Really don't feel like getting electrocuted this morning. This is not my area, not even close. I have a feeling it's a computer problem more than electricity.

Sighing, I went to get the little candles and cups we've used for moments just like these. It's kind of intimate, only I'm alone. Guess I could pretend someone is here with me, but I doubt that. Then again, no one is coming here in this weather. Tommy was outside, maybe...

I have no music though. I could change that, with the hard rain outside, I turned on the satellite radio, surprised that's working perhaps on a backup radio, onto the local love songs station.

Ballet and figure skating were a hobby of mine back in the states, I used to do both in my prime physical physique. Parents couldn't afford it, I hadn't lost interest over years. I still find myself doing the positions and pirouettes, no one was watching me, who cares?

As I placed the last of the candles on the table, I grabbed a rag and began dusting off the tops, lifting my leg, as swirled around. It's starting to feel like an interpretative dance, my body isn't what it used to be.

The song switched to one that required a dancing partner. I still listened as I began cleaning up the store normally. It was getting a little bit too lonely for my liking.

I moved to the register to make a **CASH ONLY** sign until the power came back. I placed tape on the back and rushed to the door only to nearly fall down at it swinging open.

"Morning, fancy seeing you again, love," Niall greeted, panting, his hair drenched from the downpour, same as his black leather jacket.

I just stood there with my mouth open like an idiot. I have nothing to say to him? _Come_ on now.

"H-hi, I mean, good morning, umm, how are you?" I managed to get out. Ugh, hurt me, please?

He moved further inside, I scooted over giving him room. He shook out his hair like a wet dog. I stifled a giggle, he looked at me, smirking.

"Grand, it looks like the power's out for yeh. Are ya okay?"

I found myself staring into his eyes and caught my silliness on full display. "Yeah, Tommy's on it. They're going to bring it back up soon. For now, our systems are down. Was just about to put up a sign to remind people they can still pay with cash. Oh, is _that_ why you're here?"

He nodded, "Yeah, actually, picking it up for Mag. I don't mind paying ya cash. Seemed to have misplaced me card, anyway. It's probably back home somewhere."

I smiled, blushing as I went around to the register, pulling out what belonged to him, "It's my fault. Not only did I try to pull your arm off, I accidentally held onto your card too, sorry."

Niall took the card from my hand and closed one eye with an amused smile, "S'okay, love. You weren't trying to rob me, were ya?"

My eyes bugged out, "No, of course not, I—"

"Kidding, love. Nice to know it was in good hands. Thanks for telling me." He said, grinning brightly.

I was confused, why wasn't he mad? He looked behind at the pouring rain and frowned. Okay, maybe I was kidding and he really was mad at me.

"Can I ask ya something?"

I blinked, swallowing nervously, "Okay."

"Do you mind if I stay a bit until the rain calms down? I'd drive, but, I didn't get me coffee going to start the day. Am already here, yanno?" He shrugged, gesturing around the café.

Yes, stay, oh God, he's staying, now what? Oh yeah, I'm a true idiot. "Right, umm, of course, yeah," I started to say and took out a mug, filling it with fresh coffee. I had no idea how he took it, so I just put it over a tiny dish and placed it on the table next to him. "I'll bring you cream and sugar however you take it."

I brought them over and stood back behind the register, giving him privacy. He intimidated me a little, but, I had to distract myself to keep from staring at him. Was he sneaking a look at me? Oh God, don't look. Too late, great, just fantastic, all my supplies dropped, scattering around me.

I smirked, turning seven shades of red, and bent over to pick up the mistake.

The chair moved and I heard someone coming toward me, Niall, he knelt down to pick up the cups that dropped outside the counter and moved to toss them into the trash.

I smiled kindly, feeling like the ground ought to swallow me whole. "Thanks, sorry, umm. You didn't have to."

I got the rest of them picked up and thrown away, rising up to meet his eyes.

"It's okay, do I make ya nervous or something?"

Oh, he did _not_ go there. "Umm, actually...not really. I'm just like this. Always have been."

"Oh, well, if ya were intimidated, it's alright. Uhm, you got," he said, reaching in my hair to pull something out, wooden coffee stirs. "No idea how that got there."

I rolled my eyes, taking them from his hand, tossing them in the trash. "I do...sorry, I'm making this experience really unfun. Just pretend you don't see me, gotta get back to work."

I turned around, but Niall called to me. "Well, I can pay now, if ya like."

Oh, fuck me, the order. I moved without a word to the orders on the side, checking for Horan, verifying it several times, and turned around to hand him the bag.

"Here ya go," I said, he gave me a tenner, I opened the register and gave him the proper change, he held my hand instead.

My lips parted, my eyes slowly scaled to meet his as I stopped breathing.

"Join me, for a few minutes?" Niall suggested, loosening his hold on my hand.

I pulled my hand away and shut the register, "I can't."

"Okay, some other time, then." He said, taking the bag and sitting down to drink his coffee.

It's not that I was scared of Tommy walking in, okay, that's part of the reason. I was scared to get close to Niall. I've had guys use me before and this was how it started. Niall was giving off all the right signals, at one point, he looked like he wanted to ask me to dinner.

Maybe he didn't want anything, just a fun night. Maybe he wanted everything and that could make all the difference. Who knows really?

Scoffing, I threw off my apron, brought over my coffee, and took the seat opposite from him.

"So, what's your story?" I asked, suddenly channeling Serena in my real voice.

"Niall, never actually told ya me name." He smirked, nodding to me. He almost looked like he was bowing his head like a gentleman.

I smiled, blushing, looking at him through my eyelashes, the candlelight illuminating his features, "What's your story then, Niall?"

* * *

**Niall**

I pulled into the parking lot of _Solstice_ , smirking as I had a feeling Annabelle might be there. If not, then I'll make it quick.

She _is_ the main reason I'm here. I rushed to the entrance, ducking under the hard rain, without much luck.

She nearly slipped when she saw me, almost like I was the last person she thought she'd see again.

"Morning, fancy seeing you again, love," I greeted, out of breath, me hair drenched, shaking the water off me jacket, hope it wasn't too mortifying.

I caught Annabelle with her mouth open, she seemed to do that a lot around me. I smirked, trying to put her at ease.

"H-hi, I mean, good morning, umm, how are you?" She stammered, it was adorable.

I moved further inside, noticing her moving over to give me more room. Me hair was so wet, I know it, how fucking embarrassing. I shook it off again and I heard her giggling at me, staring at her, I smirked. I'm glad I made her smile.

"Grand, it looks like the power's out for yeh. Are ya okay?"

I caught her staring and found it very hard to look away as well. "Yeah, Tommy's on it. They're going to bring it back up soon. For now, our systems are down. Was just about to put up a sign to remind people they can still pay with cash. Oh, is _that_ why you're here?"

I wanted to laugh, but she was being serious, so I nodded, "Yeah, actually, picking it up for Mag. I don't mind paying ya cash. Seemed to have misplaced me card anyway. It's probably back home somewhere."

She smiled and blushed as she went around to the register, pulling out what I never thought she'd have in her possession, "It's my fault. Not only did I try to pull your arm off, I accidentally held onto your card too, sorry."

I took the card and closed one eye with an amused smile, "S'okay, love. You weren't trying to rob me, were ya?"

Her beautiful brown eyes grew wide, "No, of course not, I—"

"Kidding, love. Nice to know it was in good hands. Thanks for telling me." I said, grinning brightly.

I looked behind me at the pouring rain and frowned. Hope I can get away with this...

"Can I ask ya something?"

She blinked, swallowing nervously, "Okay."

"Do you mind if I stay a bit until the rain calms down? I'd drive, but, I didn't get me coffee going to start the day." I bit my lip but she was busy looking around the store, searching for something.

"Right, umm, of course, yeah," She began, fetching a mug, filling it with fresh coffee. She paused before she put it over a tiny dish and placed it on the table next to me. "I'll bring you cream and sugar however you take it."

She brought them over and stood back behind the register. She backed away from me like she was afraid of being near me. I wondered why that is.

Not gonna lie, I snuck a look at her trying to distract herself, and watched her absentmindedly knock over her supplies. I saw her struggle to pick up everything and decided to join her.

I knelt down to help her pick up the cups that dropped outside the counter and tossed them in the bin.

She smiled at me kindly, still looking mortified. "Thanks, sorry, umm. You didn't have to."

I dared to ask the question that's been eating me up inside.

"It's okay, do I make ya nervous or something?"

She breathed in with her whole body, "Umm, actually...not really. I'm just like this. Always have been."

 _Doubt that,_ I thought. Honestly, I could have _sworn_ she was, "Oh, well, if ya were intimidated, it's alright. Uhm, you got," I paused, reaching in her hair to pull out the wooden coffee stirs. "No idea how _that_ got there."

She rolled her eyes, taking them from me hand, tossing them in the bin. "I do...sorry, I'm making this experience really unfun. Just pretend you don't see me, gotta get back to work."

Shame, "Well, I can pay now, if ya like."

She moved without a word to the orders on the side, verifying it several times, and turned around to hand me the bag.

"Here ya go," she said, he gave me a tenner, opening the register to give me the proper change. I held her hand, I had a plan.

Her lips parted, her eyes slowly scaled to meet mine, she looked speechless, I smiled slightly.

"Join me, for a few minutes?" I suggested, loosening me hold on her hand.

If she was scared before, she looked almost terrified right now. She pulled her hand away and shut the register, "I can't."

That was unexpected, maybe I was being too forward, it's not like I asked her to dinner, maybe I did, "Okay, some other time, then." I said, taking the bag and sitting down to drink me coffee.

I don't know what's going on. I get that she's at work and busy, her manager may be near, but maybe I didn't care. I don't know why, I just feel like I need to be around her and I wanted to her to know her, maybe ask her to dinner sometime. Maybe I'm not giving away the right signals?

What can I do to let her know that I just want to know her? I haven't felt this way in two years, and I'm starting to think that maybe she isn't interested. I did catch her at work, so there's that.

Annabelle scoffed suddenly and threw off her work apron, bringing her coffee, and took the seat opposite from me.

"So, what's your story?"

This is what a good day felt like, I smiled inside, first things first.

"Niall, never actually told ya me name," I smirked, nodding to her, bowing like the gentleman I am.

She smiled and blushed, looking at me through her eyelashes, "What's your story then, Niall?"

"What do ya mean?"

"I don't know, you seem like a guy with a story. I'm not saying the story is...bad, oh God—didn't mean that. Uh, bet you're _really_ happy you're stuck with me until the storm goes away." She rambled, I smirked.

I am, actually, surprisingly, "Not a terrible morning. Typical of South London. Is it always so quiet in here?"

She bit her lip, "Sometimes, depends on the Uni students. Gets 0 to 100 fairly quickly."

I sighed, nodding, that will probably happen after classes let out, then we won't be alone, "I like cafés like these. The power should go out more often. At one point this part of London was all candles. Something about that is calming."

Or was it being near her that calmed me more? I didn't know for sure. She watched me as I hung me head down, no idea why I did that, I guess I was thinking of what I shouldn't, maybe the memories were trying to tell me something.

"Are you alright?"

Nodding, I drank the rest of me coffee, hearing the song on the radio change to Elton John's "Can You Feel the Love Tonight?" I have no idea what's going on, she wouldn't want me to move on. This was wrong, Annabelle deserved better.

"Yeah...just something on me mind."

She sighed, I knew that meant she wanted me to elaborate, "I'm sorry, maybe I'm bothering you."

I waved her off, it wasn't _that_ , far from that. Inner demons, drowning, fighting, this is harder than I thought. I can't even open up to me own family, me Gran, what made me think I could trust a stranger?

"It's alright, umm, maybe I should let you get back to work. Your manager might walk in."

She frowned, I cringed, not the expression I wanted to see, reminded me of her, too things reminded me of her. I _hate_ bringing Annabelle into this. I'm a mess and I can't afford to show it.

She nodded, looking down, obviously disappointed I was brushing her off, even for someone to chat to, she might have been a sound listener. But it didn't matter. There's no healing me. There's no changing what happened.

"I'm sorry..." she said, sadness to her voice as she slowly stood up, she didn't want to leave but she did, out of respect for me.

Annabelle didn't know, but she _knew_ , that something was wrong. I didn't have to her, all she needed to do was read me eyes. Hannah used to do that.

She stopped, smiling slightly, and held me eyes, like a magnet I was pulled beyond my control, she almost didn't care if I rejected her, like a true rebel.

"I-If you ever want to talk, I'm right here. Umm, I didn't mean that to sound invasive. Just...if you want to, I mean."

I was, essentially, trapped. If I go outside in the hard rain, it'll be too triggering for me. If I stay, I'll be disrespecting Hannah. She wouldn't want that for me. She loved me too much to let her go just like that. Annabelle stared at me in pure innocence. She had no idea the inner struggle I felt just staying here.

"Yeah...thanks, I appreciate it," I said, me voice barely making it out of me throat.

Annabelle left me alone, just like I wanted; like I _needed_? Yeah, I needed this. Hannah would have been upset if I stared at another girl, ones that didn't hold a candle to her as far as looks go. Annabelle didn't seem like the jealous type. I don't know that to be true, just a feeling I have.

I actually was selfishly pulling her away from work because she jumped behind the register and began sorting out various receipts and orders. I just watched her, clutching the sweets box in me right hand. The clip that held up her dark brown hair wasn't doing its job. Small strands of long hair fell out when she would turn her head. Her big brown eyes narrowed as she bit her lip, writing down numbers only she could understand.

Christ, this is wrong. Hannah, forgive me. I'm yours, always, there will never be another girl, no one like you.

I heard a scream, not Hannah's, it was Annabelle. My body jolted up quickly and I walked over to where she was crouched down, grabbing a bucket to clean up the leak that sprung out. Water dripped onto her shoulders and I shook, but I _had_ to do something.

"Are ya alright?" I rushed out, she looked at me, moving away to clean up under the register.

"I'm fine. It's just a little water." She said and I gulped, thinking back to when Hannah said a version of that to me once upon a time.

_"It's not gonna get me, you know? Stop worrying over me so much."_

I pulled out of me head and placed my hand over hers, holding the rag.

Her eyes scaled to meet mine, slowly I could feel myself drifting to her butterfly lips. Her eyes were exactly where I felt they would be.

I singed back, like I had been burned, who knew what would have happened just now had I not stopped it? No, it wasn't real. I'm not even here. But I touched her, she felt it, _that_ I can't forget.

She held me hand as she stood up, tossing the rag away, she turned to me with a small smile. "Thank you."

The rain was still pouring, but, I'd rather be out there, knowing where my mind was going to go, than be here, in an unpredictable reverie, feeling things I shouldn't. "No worries."

Is it possible to hear someone's heartbeat without placing me ear against their chest? I didn't think it was, until now. I have no idea what the fuck I'm doing.

She stared at me lips, fuck, please don't do that. Then it's all going to be over.

"I gotta go," I mumbled, moving away to grab the sweets box, not looking back or checking her expression.

I was drenched in the downpour the minute I ran outside with the bag barely in me hand, charging angrily toward me car, flinging it open with a force that was almost sub-human to me.

Once I got in, I realized just how alone I was. Hannah wanted this, she would want me to feel guilty, blame myself for what I knew deep down, wasn't my fault. She would despise what my heart is feeling right now. Shaking my head, I knew what the answer was, I can't come back here again.


	9. Chapter 9

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* * *

**Annabelle**

A dream, it was _just_ a dream. I imagined everything, he wasn't looking at me, it was high school all over again. I wanted to move past this. I just wanted to go back to the way things were, back when I was just struggling to make ends meet. Before I met Niall. Guys like him just...are set up for disappointment.

I regret taking the morning shift. I hoped to God that Niall wasn't going to turn up the next day and we were going to have an awkward talk that I wasn't right for him. The usual excuses... _it's you not me, you deserve better than me, I'm emotionally unavailable,_ or my favorite, _I just got out of a relationship and I'm not looking for anything serious just so you know._

Guess it was _not_ meant to be. I just didn't care to be hurt when nothing had even happened between us. Virtually nothing.

I hated myself for letting my heart get sucked in, for caring more than I should. Just as much as I hated myself for moving around the register and running out of the entrance. I needed proof it happened, kill me.

I was completely soaked by the time I reached the back parking lot. Of course, he's gone. Probably off to work and then a club later with someone much more beautiful, they all are.

I sighed and marched back inside, wondering why the hell the power was still out and Tommy was stuck in the back of the store. The roof was leaking even stronger than before. It's 8:30 am, how are we _not_ closed?

I locked the door and moved the sign to CLOSED. It was only a matter of time before all this bullshit was going to scare customers away, I'm just beating them to it.

I ran to the back of the loading dock and Tommy just looked at me, relief hitting my face.

"Bad news, Annie, they're not coming until the next morning. Sorry, ya had to come in. Just take the deliveries, come back and I'll sign you out early."

Best news this morning, my eyes were giving too much away, "Fine, I'll be back. There's a leak in the front, tell them about it before the roof caves in."

Tommy nodded and I gathered my things together, trying to keep myself from breaking. I needed to work, I _had_ to distract myself.

I did it again, like before, I cared more than I need to. Niall was the guy in high school everyone wanted but a girl like me could never have. I can't keep living like this. Wrapped up in a fantasy that will not become a reality.

I'm not even sure I want to continue my podcast. Do I owe it to anyone to live stream my authentic thoughts? Bleed words on the air, as I refer to it. I can't let today get to me. It was hardly a setback, if you could call it that.

The deliveries were a breeze and over before lunchtime. When I returned the car back from work I realized I had no food in the house. Except for cheese and vodka, for emergencies, you could only live off of _that_ for so long.

The rain was calming down and I was starving. Thankfully, Tommy offered to drop me off at Tesco to get some much-needed food. I waved to him and walked inside to grab my essentials.

I made the mistake of picking up my head to stare openly at a married couple, more like newlyweds, pointing to various grocer options. I hate that, I hate them. It's like everything I will never have is being rubbed in my face, taunting me to react. I'm not going to, even though I earned the right to complain. All I could safely throw a dirty look their way, I'm pathetic.

Couples like these were always here, how come I'm not used to it by now? Probably because today I believed something I shouldn't. A guy who I don't even know, couldn't wait to get away from me. Who cares, right? It's just another guy, and I know, I know it's because I fucked it up.

Niall came and went as far as I'm concerned. I clucked my tongue tossing more frozen food into my cart. I could try to cook, but, the only thing I could make is meat pasta. Maybe I'll try that tonight.

I stood behind the queue and took a new number. Pretty sure I was up next, but just for fun, the next numbers after me were called. Yeah, _totally_ felt that.

Mine was called and I barely raised my head, staring at a middle-aged man behind the counter, with strong, light blue eyes. His facial features reminded me of an older version of Niall, but that was just a coincidence. I'm seeing him everywhere and I'm losing my mind. Ugh, it's fresh, it'll leave, just a question of _when_. Got to wake up, the butcher was calling to me.

"Afternoon, love, what'll it be?" He said, his Irish accent was so soft-spoken and a bit higher pitched as he smiled, almost feathery in tone. He really did remind me of an older version of Niall, only taller, about 6 feet. "Love? Are ya alright?"

"Hmm? Oh, I'm sorry...just thinking. May I please take half a pound of the grass-fed beef cut?" My throaty voice made me cringe, the butcher, Bobby, I read off his name tag, didn't seem to care.

"You got it, love." He said, washing his hands before placing on cutting gloves.

He prepared my cut and stared at me with a slight smile. It wasn't in that creepy way, I got the feeling he was an older middle-aged dad with a spring in his step. I love that about Dads, some tend to look on the brighter side.

Are all Irish men _this_ friendly? It's part of his job, sure, but rarely do they interact.

"How was your day, love?" Bobby asked me, I gave a shocked response, parting my mouth, this was a first.

"Umm, well, the same it's always been, I guess, could be better," I said, unsure why I wasn't keeping my answers short and terse, maybe I needed someone to talk to. "The dinner I'm making tonight might cheer me up."

"Oh? That's lovely to hear," Bobby said as he finished my packaging, weighed it, and slapped a label on top to seal it up. "Well, hope it looks up from here on. Will there be anything else I can get ya?"

 _Yeah, a long, caring hug,_ I thought, smiling politely as I took the cut over the counter. "No, thank you, uh, Bobby, that'll be all."

"Anytime, love," he said, nodding and winking. "Be seein' ya then." He seemed unlike the other workers here.

Maybe I'm imagining things and I wanted someone to care about me today, but, he probably liked his job and chatting with the customers.

"Bye," I smiled, waving as I turned around to go check out.

His eyes were so warm, his smile too. So much of him made me think of Niall, his mannerisms. I got the feeling he was sarcastic like most Irish men are, and he cared about my day. Maybe to pass the time, who knows? I liked him, smiling I paid and called a car service to drive me and my groceries home.

I didn't have to wait long in the cold, thankfully, it arrived to pick me up in minutes.

I got inside, loaded my stuff, and shut the door fast before the sharp breeze stung my nose. It already hit my hands, good thing the driver hiked up the heater and taken lessons from a race car track, the dude was fast! I arrived in half the time.

After I was dropped off with my bags in hand, I walked up as quickly as I could straight up to my flat, shutting the door, locking it, and immediately switched on the heater.

I dropped the bags, unloading everything, and rubbed my cold hands together for warmth. Niall's hands were warm when they touched mine. Why did he let go? Why did he leave like that? Why is he stuck in my head all day?

After I changed, got into comfy soft clothes, I began preparing my meal, making sure I didn't forget the cheese, going to need a lot of parmesan for this cuisine.

I don't mean to, but sometimes I do overeat when I'm stressed, eating my feelings, whatever you want to call it.

The meat sauce is looking good, I made the pasta, drained the water, and placed the rest inside of the sauce that was now simmering.

After I finished cooking, I served myself and sat down at the dinner table, alone, another day just like the others, it weighed heavily now. Why?

I ate some, finding I was halfway through the plate. I ate too much. I'm doing it again. Grabbing my phone, I scrolled through Margaret's number. Only Serena knew this number, but if I did call her I could just say I saved the number just in case the delivery was incorrect, which, knowing me, _was_ a possibility.

I didn't think as I dialed her number, waiting patiently for her kind voice. I needed to hear her.

"Hello, who is there?"

"Good afternoon, Margaret, umm, Mrs. Horan. Hello, it's Annabelle, how are you today?"

"Oh hello, dear! Fancy hearing your sweet voice. Missed ya today, it's pouring rain, are ya at work right now, sweetie?"

I shook my head, "Our power is shut down, we're closed until it comes back. I only took deliveries today."

"I see, are ya alright? Was surprised I didn't see ya in those deliveries, oh yes, Niall dropped them off. Is everything okay, dear?"

I nodded but it turned into me shaking my head, the real me was too transparent now. "Yeah, I'm fine, thank you for asking."

"Love, forgive me, would you like to come by mine right now? Greg is home right now with Theo, might you join us for tea and an early dinner? I sense something in your voice, me grandson Greg might pick you up. What's it to be, love?"

I covered my mouth, the emotions stung my eyes, suddenly I wanted someone to care, even though it was scary. This amazing woman is actually hearing between the lines. I underestimated her, as Serena, I was meant to help her, now she wanted to help me. I wiped my eyes and stood up from the table.

"Oh my gosh, you are incredibly sweet and beautiful to ask me this..."

"You can say yes, love, am looking at Greg now, I'll ask him to come and get ya."

I took one look around my flat, at the rain rattling the windows, somehow I felt smaller in my own place, colder, in despair, I craved human connection, or be connected to someone else, even for a short while.

Taking my bowl to the sink, I spun around and made up my mind.

"Yes, I'll be there, thank you, tell Greg thank you as well. My address is..."

* * *

I smiled as I saw Greg had been waited for me at the bottom of my building, holding the door open of his dark blue compact car for me. I raised my free hand and clutched a brown bag in my hand. A bunch of sweets from work for Theo and the food I just cooked inside a Tupperware container. I only wished I made enough for everyone, but I didn't have time.

The ride was silent, mainly because Greg and I preferred it that way, maybe he was shy like me, who knows? The radio was on, I didn't care to fill the silence with small talk anyway.

When we got there, Greg parked, I thanked him, we got out, and I followed behind him, walking upstairs to the entrance.

As soon as I walked in Margaret came toward me and without a word, flung her tiny arms around me tightly. She smelled like herbs and basil, I smiled, my own arms came over her, still shocked I was even here at all let alone being hugged.

We pulled away and I held up the bag, smiling softly.

"Oh, dear, what do you have there? No need to bring anything for us. We have everything here."

"I wanted to. I'm only sorry I didn't bring enough for everyone, it was just me." I said, basically admitting aloud I was a tree hugger, I supposed that's why I'm here anyway.

Margaret took the bag with a kind smile that reached her eyes, "Very well, love, have a seat, here, take your coat, have a rest. We'll have an early dinner started very shortly."

 _Is Niall coming?_ I thought, wanting to ask, but kept it to myself. "Thank you, everything looks so beautiful here, you have a lovely home."

I took off my coat and moved around to plant myself on the couch, awkwardly. Greg was watching me with a smile, I blushed. He looked a lot like Niall, it's interesting how everyone in this family seemed to be a molded version of each other. Those strong blue eyes appeared to be a trademark amongst the clan.

Greg laughed at me, because of course, I'm being weird about just sitting down. "It's not gonna bite ya, you know? Go on then..."

I made myself sit down, pretending like I wasn't nervous but secretly, was nearly pissing myself right now. "Right, so, umm, where's Theo?"

Greg waved his hand around, "Oh he's running about, probably playing on me phone. Janis seems to think he's too young, the boy is too smart for his own good. God almighty."

The way Greg spoke about his son, it reminded of my own Dad, too bad he was far away. "He's precious, he looks exactly like you. Everyone here looks alike, I was just thinking that."

He casually took a sip of his beer, "Oh, we _know_ that. I'm glad Theodore takes after me. So long as he gets me height he'll be a lady killer, he actually already is, to tell the truth."

I laughed softly, "I could definitely see that," I paused when I heard yelling and loud footsteps pounding over the floor. Theo decided to crash Greg's body and our conversation because he's 7 and owned everyone.

His little head looked between me and his Dad, I keep wondering if I'm intruding on a private family moment. Theo bounced off before I could make that call. Energy for days, I shook my head.

Greg raised his brows, stood up, and followed in the direction Theo took off, and I stood up to wander into the kitchen to see what Maggie's up to. Smiling, I made sure I wasn't sneaking behind her and stood off to the side, watching her do what seemed to come naturally to her.

She looked at me gently then kept her eyes on her preparation. It's amazing when people can do both. Quite a skill.

"I'm delighted you're here, love. Told Niall we should invite ya, worked out when you called us. Are ya alright?"

I smiled, but I wasn't going to show that he was part of the reason for my despairing feelings tonight that I just couldn't shake.

"I'm doing good. I appreciate this, I'll still pay Greg gas money for picking me up, it's the least I could do."

She looked at me like I was crazy, "Oh no, we don't do that here. Is that an American thing I'm not made aware of? It's completely grand that you're here. Greg wouldn't accept it, just not what we do."

I cringed, always hated people in the states doing that too, it's just a habit I couldn't break. "Sorry, I mean, I'm not exactly close to here, I just wanted to help."

"South London isn't another country, dear. All is well." She smiled, it certainly felt that way to me, but I didn't want to argue with her.

My mind kept drifting off to Niall and what happened today. I'm near his family, if I stayed, I'd be growing closer to them, I believe I wanted that. But what if Niall was around? I mean, what exactly happened this morning? Nothing, he just left, he had things to do. Why would he stick around me?

"Have a seat, love, we're just relaxing now until me son and me grandson arrive." She said, checking the time. "Oh! They'll be here any minute."

Margaret touched my shoulder and I shut my eyes, I was doing _so_ good too. Niall wasn't expecting me to be here, I can't imagine what his reaction will be when he sees me.

I breathed in deeply, I got this. It'll be fine.

The door opened and in walked two men's voices. I'm _fucked._


End file.
